(no subject)

[haveyourmoments]

Every day I wake up in my palatial bed with a renewed sense of regret, wishing that there had been any other way to save Alderaan other than agreeing to marry Isolder, my now husband, the Prince of Hapan. There’s nothing wrong with him, exactly, he’s polite and proper and beautiful, of course, with his long blonde hair and blue-gray eyes. He’s kind, and patient with me and never fails to forgive my temper, but somehow that oboe makes it worse, makes me feel like an unruly child instead of his wife, his equal.

He tells me that he’s selected a new pilot for my flagship, that this stranger will be my bodyguard as well due to the ongoing threats in my life and I do my best not to sulk, knowing I’m capable of taking care of myself, but instead nodding and accepting his unassuming kiss on my cheek.

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[haveyourmoments]

“It’s…it’s how they’re two halves of a whole, it’s enough for my mother to risk her own coronation in order to marry a politician. They’re each other’s best friends, you know?”

[going_solo]

“No, I don’t know,” I confess. I think it’s incredible, of course, but it’s not like I can’t relate.

[haveyourmoments]

“I guess I don’t really know, either,” I say sadly. “I guess I never will.”

[going_solo]

“Maybe you just need to get to know the guy better,” I say, shrugging. Of course that’s not what I want.

[haveyourmoments]

“We’ve been married for two years,” I say, looking him directly in the eyes.

[going_solo]

“I didn’t realise it had been so long,” I say, backtracking.

[haveyourmoments]

“It’s alright,” I say, forgiving him easily. “I was young, and it wasn’t exactly a long engagement.”

[going_solo]

“You must have been young,” I agree. “You’re young now.”

[haveyourmoments]

“Am I? I don’t feel young,” I tell him.

[going_solo]

“You don’t?” I ask, curiosity piqued.

[haveyourmoments]

“I just feel so…tired,” I say, looking down for a moment before I clear my throat. “Sorry, I don’t mean to talk about myself so much.”

[going_solo]

“I don’t mind,” I say, sincere. “I don’t like talking about myself much, anyway.”

[haveyourmoments]

“Well, I appreciate you listening,” I smile softly, reaching over to squeeze his hand. His skin surprises me in its roughness, so unlike my husband’s, and I find it to be comforting.

[going_solo]

“What’s a pilot for?” I ask, squeezing her fingers back before pulling west, not wanting to cross any boundaries.

[haveyourmoments]

“I’ll let you get back to work,” I say, feeling my cheeks flush.

[going_solo]

“Make yourself comfortable,” I say, before heading into the cockpit.

[haveyourmoments]

I wake up in the middle of the night, feeling an intense pain I’ve never experienced before. I curl up into a tight ball, trying to soothe myself, but eventually I cry out in pain.

[going_solo]

I’m half asleep, Chewie at the helm, when I hear the noise and immediately get to my feet, heading for Leia’s bunk.

[haveyourmoments]

I moan softly, trying to resist the urge to call out for Han, at least, that’s what I do at first. Then, I see the blood.

[going_solo]

I knock on her door urgently, asking what’s going on, if she’s sick or hurt.

[haveyourmoments]

“I think…something is wrong,” I manage, feeling so many emotions that I can barely get any words out.

[going_solo]

I burst in, then, and the moment I see the blood and the amount of it I have an inkling what’s happening. “Oh, Leia,” I say. “We need to get you evacuated.”

[haveyourmoments]

“No!” I say, instantly starting to panic at the idea of being left alone in a clinic on some strange planet. “I…I just need something to clean up with…”

[going_solo]

“You could bleed out!” I say, not wanting to worry her but unable to stop myself.

[haveyourmoments]

“It’s not…it won’t. This isn’t the first time,” I say, starting to cry.