(no subject)

[haveyourmoments]

Every day I wake up in my palatial bed with a renewed sense of regret, wishing that there had been any other way to save Alderaan other than agreeing to marry Isolder, my now husband, the Prince of Hapan. There’s nothing wrong with him, exactly, he’s polite and proper and beautiful, of course, with his long blonde hair and blue-gray eyes. He’s kind, and patient with me and never fails to forgive my temper, but somehow that oboe makes it worse, makes me feel like an unruly child instead of his wife, his equal.

He tells me that he’s selected a new pilot for my flagship, that this stranger will be my bodyguard as well due to the ongoing threats in my life and I do my best not to sulk, knowing I’m capable of taking care of myself, but instead nodding and accepting his unassuming kiss on my cheek.

Comments

[haveyourmoments]

“It feels like I am, when my choices aren’t my own and I can’t say no,” I say without thinking and then blush furiously, embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I should t be so insensitive. I know my life is far better than Chewie’s was.”

[going_solo]

“Your life is different, not better,” I say, squeezing her fingers and hoping I can be an anchor to her. “It’s not a competition.”

[haveyourmoments]

“It’s my own fault, I was so stupid,” I say, starting to cry again as I squeeze his hand hard. “I just, I thought he would love me eventually.”

[going_solo]

“You’re very loveable, Leia,” I try to assure her. “The rest is on him.”

[haveyourmoments]

“I’m supposed to be taking care of you and instead you’re taking care of me all over again,” I sniff.

[going_solo]

“To the ends of the galaxy,” I say, and I know how cheesy it is but I want her to know it’s true. “Sick or not, I will take care of you.”

[haveyourmoments]

I blush again, not at all used to such outward declarations of devotion, and rub my nose nervously. “You really think I’m lovable?”

[going_solo]

“Mostly,” I say, choosing to tease her then before leaning in to kiss her cheek. “Always.”

[haveyourmoments]

“Nerfherder,” I murmur, teasing back softly. Still, my blush deepens at his affection, and even more so at his words. “You’ve never kissed me before.”

[going_solo]

“I haven’t? I can’t imagine why…”

[haveyourmoments]

“I just assumed you didn’t want to,” I confess softly. “But you don’t have to, if you just feel sorry for me.”

[going_solo]

“I was respecting your marriage,” I tell her, and then I kiss her cheek again. “And I’m also scared of making you sick.”

[haveyourmoments]

I sigh in frustration, because his points are entirely valid, but all I want is to be thoroughly kissed by someone who might actually love me.

[going_solo]

She’s frustrated, I can tell, and so I say fuck it and kiss her tenderly anyway.

[haveyourmoments]

I make a soft noise of surprise when he finally kisses me, and after a split second of confusion my hand immediately finds its way into his hair, not wanting him to misinterpret my response. I do tear up, though, I can’t help it, because I’ve never been kissed this way, not even close.

[going_solo]

I cover her with kisses, leaning into her touch, suddenly not feeling the least bit sick.

[haveyourmoments]

His sweet, searching kisses fill me with a happiness I’ve never known. I giggle softly when he kisses a ticklish spot just behind my ear, getting butterflies in my stomach as I shift onto my back and pull him on top of me, trying to give him even better access.

[going_solo]

I slide my hand under shirt and caress her breast as I keep kissing her, in awe that this is happening.

[haveyourmoments]

I shiver as he touches me, not used to such tenderness, and I stroke his back softly in return. “You really want this - me?”

[going_solo]

“More than anything,” I answer. “But only if you want me in return.”

[haveyourmoments]

“I do want you, of course I do,” I tell him earnestly, honestly, cupping his face and looking into his eyes, seeing the person who has somehow become my best friend.

[going_solo]

“But I don’t want them to hurt you,” I say, and I can’t help it, tears spring into my eyes.

[haveyourmoments]

“You’ll take care of me,” I say, confident in that fact, but then I falter, wondering if that’s asking too much. “Or, maybe I can…maybe I can handle going back, now that I know that I’m not so unlovable.”

[going_solo]

“But then who will I have?” I ask, and the tears break free.

[haveyourmoments]

“I didn’t - I don’t want to leave you!” I say, immediately panicking when he starts to cry. “I’m so sorry, Han, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”