(no subject)

[haveyourmoments]

Every day I wake up in my palatial bed with a renewed sense of regret, wishing that there had been any other way to save Alderaan other than agreeing to marry Isolder, my now husband, the Prince of Hapan. There’s nothing wrong with him, exactly, he’s polite and proper and beautiful, of course, with his long blonde hair and blue-gray eyes. He’s kind, and patient with me and never fails to forgive my temper, but somehow that oboe makes it worse, makes me feel like an unruly child instead of his wife, his equal.

He tells me that he’s selected a new pilot for my flagship, that this stranger will be my bodyguard as well due to the ongoing threats in my life and I do my best not to sulk, knowing I’m capable of taking care of myself, but instead nodding and accepting his unassuming kiss on my cheek.

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[going_solo]

“Is there anything I can do to help?” I ask softly, not knowing much about women but knowing this must hurt in more ways than one.

[haveyourmoments]

“You are helping,” I murmur softly, inhaling his unfamiliar scent as I try to relax. “Tell me how you met Chewie?”

[going_solo]

“Ah, we met at a cantina where his so-called master had him in chains,” I say. “I paid for his freedom, but he stuck around.”

[haveyourmoments]

“That’s terrible,” I murmur softly. “You did a good thing, freeing him. No one should be enslaved.”

[going_solo]

“No, and not especially a guy like Chewie,” I say.

[haveyourmoments]

“I’m glad you found each other,” I tell him, tucking my head under his chin and hoping he doesn’t mind my damp braids.

[going_solo]

“I’m glad we found you,” I say softly, so soft that it’s like a secret.

[haveyourmoments]

“Me too,” I say, just as soft, clutching at his shirt just a little bit more. “Me too.”

[going_solo]

“It’s okay,” I say. “And if it’s not, we’re going to make it be.”

[haveyourmoments]

I want to believe him, more than anything, even though I know that I’m doomed to this life, that I’ll never be free to do what I want. Instead, I shut my eyes, and pretend that this is my real life, just for now.

[going_solo]

I rub her back in circles, murmuring words of comfort.

[haveyourmoments]

“Will you stay here tonight?” I ask timidly.

[going_solo]

“I will,” I say, locking my eyes on hers. A sky filled with stars, and all I was focused on was her.

[haveyourmoments]

I exhale with relief, tucking myself against him and pressing my nose against his neck. “I’ll never forget what you’re doing for me, Han.”

[going_solo]

“Just try to focus on feeling better, okay?” I say, stroking her hair and wondering what the prince would think if he could see us now.

[haveyourmoments]

I want to kiss him, but I know that would be a terrible idea in this particular moment, so I settle for tilting my head up and letting my lips brush his throat softly.

[going_solo]

I nearly keel over from the shock of a princess’s lips against my skin, but instead just lean into her, stroking her hair, telling her she’s safe.

[haveyourmoments]

I recover from my miscarriage as well as I possibly could, Han’s support helping more than anything else possibly could. I’ve crept into his cabin more nights than not, and he never fails to accept me willingly, but he also never pressures me if I keep to myself. Last night I’d slept on my own, falling asleep while he was still on night watch, and I wake up, frowning and cold, going to find him.

[going_solo]

I won’t admit it, but I’m burning up; a cold sweat running down my face to my chest to the point I have to take off my shirt.

[haveyourmoments]

He’s not prowling around the ship like he normally is, and so I go to his cabin, knocking first but then walking in, my new custom. “Han?”

[going_solo]

“Leia,” I say, though really it comes out like a moan. “Go back to sleep.”

[haveyourmoments]

“I want to sleep in here,” I say stubbornly, trying to figure out what’s going on with him as I step closer.

[going_solo]

“I’m all sweaty,” I warn her, though it’s hardly a refusal.

[haveyourmoments]

“Sounds promising,” I tease, heading over to him and staring at his bare chest for a long moment before snapping back to reality.

[going_solo]

“What is it? Do I have a rash?” I ask, clueless, feverish.