(no subject)

[haveyourmoments]

Every day I wake up in my palatial bed with a renewed sense of regret, wishing that there had been any other way to save Alderaan other than agreeing to marry Isolder, my now husband, the Prince of Hapan. There’s nothing wrong with him, exactly, he’s polite and proper and beautiful, of course, with his long blonde hair and blue-gray eyes. He’s kind, and patient with me and never fails to forgive my temper, but somehow that oboe makes it worse, makes me feel like an unruly child instead of his wife, his equal.

He tells me that he’s selected a new pilot for my flagship, that this stranger will be my bodyguard as well due to the ongoing threats in my life and I do my best not to sulk, knowing I’m capable of taking care of myself, but instead nodding and accepting his unassuming kiss on my cheek.

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[haveyourmoments]

“I don’t even know if you want a baby!” I cry. I’d been expected to have children in my marriage, but my relationship with Han is entirely different.

[going_solo]

“I mean, I’m scared shitless,” I admit, squeezing her hand. “But I want a baby if it’s with you.”

[haveyourmoments]

“You do?” I ask, sniffling. “But what if…what if it’s always like this? What if I’m stuck being married to him forever, and we’re always on the run?”

[going_solo]

“I will go wherever it takes to keep you both safe.”

[haveyourmoments]

“I’m so scared,” I whisper. “I’m so scared to want this.”

[going_solo]

“You deserve this,” I say, pulling her close.

[haveyourmoments]

“I don’t want to disappoint you,” I say softly, letting him hold me, even as I worry that any single movement could end in disaster.

[going_solo]

“All you ever do is amaze me,” I tell her. “You are amazing.”

[haveyourmoments]

I shake my head, feeling so many conflicting emotions, and I try to push away the negative ones.

[going_solo]

“Well, I happen to think you’re amazing.” I say, suddenly wondering if my opinion counts in this.

[haveyourmoments]

“Thank you for believing in me,” I tell him, curling into his chest. “I needed to hear that.”

[going_solo]

“I promise that I’ll tell you every single day,” I say, holding her close.

[haveyourmoments]

Eventually, and very hesitantly, I take his hand and shift it to cover my stomach, thinking that if anyone can protect our baby, it’s him.

[going_solo]

“You’re gonna get such a big belly,” I say softly. “I can’t wait.”

[haveyourmoments]

“I hope so,” I say, but it’s not filled with quite the sense of dread I’d felt earlier.

[going_solo]

“I know so,” I say, suddenly overwhelmed with confidence that everything is going to be okay.

[haveyourmoments]

“Yeah?” I say, smiling softly, covering his hand with my own and feeling a certainty and warmth fill my senses. “Are you going to baby-proof the Falcon?”

[going_solo]

“Uh… I might need more than nine months to do that,” I say sheepishly, because the Falcon has lots of sharp edges.

[haveyourmoments]

I laugh softly, kissing his jawline. “Just make sure the smuggling compartments are secure, there’s gates to block off the rest.”

[going_solo]

"Absolutely, I will," I say, leaning into her affection. "Anything for you two."

[haveyourmoments]

“Chewie won’t mind?” I ask nervously, not wanting to disrespect the Wookiee when he has more right to the Falcon than I ever will.

[going_solo]

"Chewie loves children," I answer, which makes me feel guilty, of course, for what he's left behind.

[haveyourmoments]

“He does?” I ask, smiling at the thought of a tiny human baby sitting in his hairy arms. “Actually, I can see that.”

[going_solo]

“He’s a big teddy bear,” I say, before adding: “Just don’t tell him I said so.”

[haveyourmoments]

“Don’t worry, that’s exactly what he said about you,” I say, giggling as I slip my hand under his shirt to stroke his skin.