(no subject)

[haveyourmoments]

Every day I wake up in my palatial bed with a renewed sense of regret, wishing that there had been any other way to save Alderaan other than agreeing to marry Isolder, my now husband, the Prince of Hapan. There’s nothing wrong with him, exactly, he’s polite and proper and beautiful, of course, with his long blonde hair and blue-gray eyes. He’s kind, and patient with me and never fails to forgive my temper, but somehow that oboe makes it worse, makes me feel like an unruly child instead of his wife, his equal.

He tells me that he’s selected a new pilot for my flagship, that this stranger will be my bodyguard as well due to the ongoing threats in my life and I do my best not to sulk, knowing I’m capable of taking care of myself, but instead nodding and accepting his unassuming kiss on my cheek.

Comments

[going_solo]

“It’s more than okay,” I promise her, handing over the water.

[haveyourmoments]

“Thank you,” I say hoarsely, taking a sip of the water and looking up at him. “And thank you for…earlier.”

[going_solo]

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright, Leia,” I say. Really, I’d been terrified.

[haveyourmoments]

“Well, I appreciate it,” I say. “Usually I’m left in a dark room to deal with it alone.”

[going_solo]

“That’s awful,” I tell her, my stomach turning at the thought. “You don’t have to deal with it alone here.”

[haveyourmoments]

“I -“ I get overwhelmed with emotion then, so much so that my throat closes up and my heart starts pounding.

[going_solo]

She’s having a panic attack, I just know immediately, and I show her how to breathe.

[haveyourmoments]

I instinctively grab for his wrist as he helps me to breathe, holding onto him like a lifeline, hoping he can see the gratitude in my eyes.

[going_solo]

“It’s okay,” I say, and I say it again and again, it could be a dozen times or it could be a thousand.

[haveyourmoments]

Truthfully, it’s not okay, but he makes it so, so much better than I’ve felt in a long time. Eventually I ask him in a small voice: “Will you hold me?”

[going_solo]

“If that’s what you want, if that’s what you think will help,” I say, and then I lay down with her, arms around her.

[haveyourmoments]

I curl against him, too tired to wonder why I feel more comfortable in his embrace than I ever have in the presence of my husband. I sigh softly, my eyes closing as the aches start to dim.

[going_solo]

“Is there anything I can do to help?” I ask softly, not knowing much about women but knowing this must hurt in more ways than one.

[haveyourmoments]

“You are helping,” I murmur softly, inhaling his unfamiliar scent as I try to relax. “Tell me how you met Chewie?”

[going_solo]

“Ah, we met at a cantina where his so-called master had him in chains,” I say. “I paid for his freedom, but he stuck around.”

[haveyourmoments]

“That’s terrible,” I murmur softly. “You did a good thing, freeing him. No one should be enslaved.”

[going_solo]

“No, and not especially a guy like Chewie,” I say.

[haveyourmoments]

“I’m glad you found each other,” I tell him, tucking my head under his chin and hoping he doesn’t mind my damp braids.

[going_solo]

“I’m glad we found you,” I say softly, so soft that it’s like a secret.

[haveyourmoments]

“Me too,” I say, just as soft, clutching at his shirt just a little bit more. “Me too.”

[going_solo]

“It’s okay,” I say. “And if it’s not, we’re going to make it be.”

[haveyourmoments]

I want to believe him, more than anything, even though I know that I’m doomed to this life, that I’ll never be free to do what I want. Instead, I shut my eyes, and pretend that this is my real life, just for now.

[going_solo]

I rub her back in circles, murmuring words of comfort.

[haveyourmoments]

“Will you stay here tonight?” I ask timidly.

[going_solo]

“I will,” I say, locking my eyes on hers. A sky filled with stars, and all I was focused on was her.