haveyourmoments | (no subject)

I nod, heading off to the shower and taking my time, unbraiding my hair and washing it along with my body, using the floral scents that still smell like Alderaan, the ones I carry with me everywhere, and once I emerge I find a clean towel waiting for me, and it’s almost enough to make me smile.

I hang around the bathroom in case she needs anything, but once she steps out in the towel I go into my bunk to wait.

I go back to my quarters, expecting to find him waiting for me, and I’m immensely disappointed to find an empty cabin. I start to tear up again, certain I scared him off, lonely once again.

I go to get her a bottle of water and come back to find she’s returned to her room, knocking on the door.

“Oh, um, hi,” I say, quickly, nervously wiping the tears away from my eyes. “I - sorry.”

“It’s more than okay,” I promise her, handing over the water.

“Thank you,” I say hoarsely, taking a sip of the water and looking up at him. “And thank you for…earlier.”

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright, Leia,” I say. Really, I’d been terrified.

“Well, I appreciate it,” I say. “Usually I’m left in a dark room to deal with it alone.”

“That’s awful,” I tell her, my stomach turning at the thought. “You don’t have to deal with it alone here.”

“I -“ I get overwhelmed with emotion then, so much so that my throat closes up and my heart starts pounding.

She’s having a panic attack, I just know immediately, and I show her how to breathe.

I instinctively grab for his wrist as he helps me to breathe, holding onto him like a lifeline, hoping he can see the gratitude in my eyes.

“It’s okay,” I say, and I say it again and again, it could be a dozen times or it could be a thousand.

Truthfully, it’s not okay, but he makes it so, so much better than I’ve felt in a long time. Eventually I ask him in a small voice: “Will you hold me?”

“If that’s what you want, if that’s what you think will help,” I say, and then I lay down with her, arms around her.

I curl against him, too tired to wonder why I feel more comfortable in his embrace than I ever have in the presence of my husband. I sigh softly, my eyes closing as the aches start to dim.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” I ask softly, not knowing much about women but knowing this must hurt in more ways than one.

“You are helping,” I murmur softly, inhaling his unfamiliar scent as I try to relax. “Tell me how you met Chewie?”

“Ah, we met at a cantina where his so-called master had him in chains,” I say. “I paid for his freedom, but he stuck around.”

“That’s terrible,” I murmur softly. “You did a good thing, freeing him. No one should be enslaved.”

“No, and not especially a guy like Chewie,” I say.

“I’m glad you found each other,” I tell him, tucking my head under his chin and hoping he doesn’t mind my damp braids.

“I’m glad we found you,” I say softly, so soft that it’s like a secret.

“Me too,” I say, just as soft, clutching at his shirt just a little bit more. “Me too.”