haveyourmoments | (no subject)

I bow my head, acknowledging his point, though he’s the one who’s suggesting such a drastic course of action, not me. “You really want me to stay here?”

“If not forever, at least for the night,” I say, because what more can I ask for?

“Of course I’m staying here tonight,” I say, a little confused. “I wasn’t, I don’t want to leave you, in any capacity.”

“But when we land you’ll go back to him,” I say, soft.

“I don’t want to!” I cry, suddenly unable to breathe, thinking about returning to Hapes, to Isolder, and the way he ignores me, the way everything hurts when he doesn’t. The fact that he says I deserve no better, because I haven’t been able to give him a child.

She cries and my heart breaks. I wrap my arms around her and apologise over and over.

I hug him hard, feeling guilty since he’s still so sick, but unable to let go at any rate. “He’s so…rough with me,” I confess softly.

“I’m not going to let him hurt you again,” I say. “I don’t care, I’ll find a way.”

“I want to stay with you, and with Chewie,” I remember with a strangled laugh. “I really do.”

“Then I will go to the ends of the galaxy to make that happen,” I say.

“I guess you’re freeing another kind of slave,” I muse sadly, setting back against him uneasily. I’m not sure at all why he’s being so kind to me, or what he even thinks of me.

“You’re not a slave,” I say quickly, because I didn’t mean to imply that. “You’re just stuck.”

“It feels like I am, when my choices aren’t my own and I can’t say no,” I say without thinking and then blush furiously, embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I should t be so insensitive. I know my life is far better than Chewie’s was.”

“Your life is different, not better,” I say, squeezing her fingers and hoping I can be an anchor to her. “It’s not a competition.”

“It’s my own fault, I was so stupid,” I say, starting to cry again as I squeeze his hand hard. “I just, I thought he would love me eventually.”

“You’re very loveable, Leia,” I try to assure her. “The rest is on him.”

“I’m supposed to be taking care of you and instead you’re taking care of me all over again,” I sniff.

“To the ends of the galaxy,” I say, and I know how cheesy it is but I want her to know it’s true. “Sick or not, I will take care of you.”

I blush again, not at all used to such outward declarations of devotion, and rub my nose nervously. “You really think I’m lovable?”

“Mostly,” I say, choosing to tease her then before leaning in to kiss her cheek. “Always.”

“Nerfherder,” I murmur, teasing back softly. Still, my blush deepens at his affection, and even more so at his words. “You’ve never kissed me before.”

“I haven’t? I can’t imagine why…”

“I just assumed you didn’t want to,” I confess softly. “But you don’t have to, if you just feel sorry for me.”

“I was respecting your marriage,” I tell her, and then I kiss her cheek again. “And I’m also scared of making you sick.”

I sigh in frustration, because his points are entirely valid, but all I want is to be thoroughly kissed by someone who might actually love me.