haveyourmoments | (no subject)

We manage to enter hyperspace and evade Leia’s captors, as soon as we feel like we’re out of the thick of it I go to find her.

I sit up a little when he walks in, reaching my hand out for him, blushing softly when the length of his sleeve covers my hand.

I embrace her immediately, holding her close. “I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I murmur softly, running my fingers through his hair.

“I lost track of you,” I say. “I never should have taken my eyes off of you.”

“It’s not your fault, Han,” I say, hating that he’s shouldering any guilt. “I wandered off to a flower cart, something smelled like Alderaan…we should have been safe there. You didn’t know.”

“I can’t accept that,” I say softly; overwhelmed. “I could have lost you. I did - I did lose you, for a time.”

“And you found me, Han,” I remind him, pulling back just enough to touch his temple. “It’s not your fault. It’s…his.”

“I’ll kill him,” I say, gritting my teeth.

“I know,” I say softly, pressing my nose against his cheek and breathing in the familiarity, having no doubts that he would kill for me. “But for now, I just need you to hold me.”

I let my tension fade, and manage a soft smile. “I can do that for you,” I say, wrapping my arms around her.

“Han?” I start softly, shaky, trying to find the courage to say what I want to say, but quickly losing my nerve. “I…nevermind.”

“What is it?” I ask, alarmed, worried I’ve done something wrong. “You can tell me anything.”

“No, I…I wanted…” I can’t make myself say what I’d intended to say. How I’d wandered off to see if there were any Correlian flowers I could surprise him with, or that I had every intention of telling him that I was falling in love with him. Now, it just feels like everything is wrong, tainted, somehow. That he might think I’m only saying it because he rescued me, or that he won’t want to hear it at all.

“Please, Leia, I might be bad at this, new to this, but I know how to listen, and you of all people deserve to be heard,” I say, stroking her arms.

“You’re not bad at this,” I say, hoping I can reassure him. “You are the best at this. Please, I need you to know that. You haven’t done one thing wrong.”

“But you won’t tell me what’s going on: and maybe I don’t have a right to know, maybe, maybe you don’t trust me, but I care.”

“Han, it’s not like that,” I say, still a little bit shaky, still a little bit nervous, but knowing that I have to tell him so that he doesn’t imagine the worst. I reach up to stroke his hair, steadying myself before I speak.

I lean into her touch, not wanting to push her but wanting her to trust me more than anything.

“I think…I think I’m falling in love with you,” I confess quietly, looking away after a moment, blushing.

A lump forms in my throat, because I’ve never been in love and surely no one’s ever been in love with me. But… “I feel the same way.”

“You do?” I ask hopefully, looking back up into his eyes. It seems too good to be true, that he could love me after everything.

“I do,” I say; squeezing her fingers. “I’ve never felt like this with… anyone before, but I know that I’m feeling it right now.”

I give him a watery smile, my eyes filled with tears as I press my forehead against his, my arms winding around his neck.

“I love you, Leia,” I say, rubbing her back in circles.