(no subject)

[haveyourmoments]

I’m on my way to Jabba’s palace on Tatooine, dressed in a godforsaken dead bounty hunter’s suit, complete with a stifling mask that makes me feel like I might actually faint. Or maybe that’s just the smell of old alcohol that came with the suit. At any rate, I’m petrified, not at all convinced that Han has survived the carbon freezing, especially not after all this time.

I walk inside the palace, my fingertips grazing over the thermal detenator in my pocket, holding Chewie’s leash with my other hand, and thinking that at least if Han is dead, I can wind up with him in the end.

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[haveyourmoments]

I’m sleeping better than I ever have until Han practically leaps out of bed, and I’m almost launched off the mattress myself. “Han?” I ask, my voice thick and scratchy with sleep as I tug a sheet up to cover myself, “Are you okay?”

[going_solo]

I take a long few moments to respond, then cover myself with an edge of the blanket.

[haveyourmoments]

He’s pale, and shaking, and looks as if he’s about to be sick. I can tell that he’s feeling vulnerable and I stand up, finding his boxers on the floor and handing them to him without a word.

[going_solo]

I’m shaking, I realise, and none of it is her fault but I still step into the corner to change back into my clothes.

[haveyourmoments]

I tug on a shirt and some panties before I crawl back under the covers and look over at him. “Do you want to come here?” I ask softly, making sure to give him the choice.

[going_solo]

After just a moment, I head on over with an apologetic expression on my face.

[haveyourmoments]

“Don’t you dare apologize,” I say, but it’s with a gentle hint of a smile for his sake. I gesture for him to sit next to me, if he wants, but I’m patient. “You haven’t done a damn thing wrong.”

[going_solo]

“I don’t know how to explain,” I tell her, carefully sitting beside her.

[haveyourmoments]

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to,” I tell him swiftly. “I won’t force you to talk.”

[going_solo]

“That means a lot,” I say. “I don’t… before you I didn’t talk to anyone, about much of anything.”

[haveyourmoments]

“Oh come on now, I’m sure you and Chewie had long heart to hearts at night, braiding each other’s hair….”

[going_solo]

I laugh softly at that, shaking my head. “We’re not much with the words.”

[haveyourmoments]

“Well, I’m happy to talk to you at any point,” I say, stroking his hair.

[going_solo]

“You’ll think less of me, Leia,” I say softly.

[haveyourmoments]

“That’s not possible,” I say firmly, taking his hand. “I love you, Han. Nothing from your past will change the you that I love now.”

[going_solo]

I go quiet for a long time, and then shake my head. “You will think less of me.”

[haveyourmoments]

“Han, you don’t have to tell me, okay? Not ever,” I promise. “I’m staying. No matter what.”

[going_solo]

I rest my head on her shoulder, then, thinking for a long while. “I have nightmares about it, sometimes.”

[haveyourmoments]

“I’m sorry,” I murmur, holding him close. “I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

[going_solo]

The closeness helps and hinders what I’m about to say, as I fear she’ll tear away from me in disgust. “People used to touch me,” I say finally.

[haveyourmoments]

“Oh, honey,” I murmur, hugging him closely, gently pressing my lips to his temple. “I hate that that happened to you, you didn’t deserve to be treated like that.”

[going_solo]

She’s so nice I’m torn between relief and nausea, but bury my face against her shoulder so that hopefully she can’t tell.

[haveyourmoments]

“No one is ever going to touch you without your consent again, Han,” I promise him, stroking the back of his neck soothingly. “And if they try, well…they won’t, your girlfriend is a princess.”

[going_solo]

“My protector,” I say, smile, faint but fond.

[haveyourmoments]

“Always,” I murmur, smiling softly as I press my forehead against his, happy to sit quietly and hold him close.