(no subject)

[haveyourmoments]

I’m on my way to Jabba’s palace on Tatooine, dressed in a godforsaken dead bounty hunter’s suit, complete with a stifling mask that makes me feel like I might actually faint. Or maybe that’s just the smell of old alcohol that came with the suit. At any rate, I’m petrified, not at all convinced that Han has survived the carbon freezing, especially not after all this time.

I walk inside the palace, my fingertips grazing over the thermal detenator in my pocket, holding Chewie’s leash with my other hand, and thinking that at least if Han is dead, I can wind up with him in the end.

Comments

[haveyourmoments]

“Why are you mad at me?” I ask, curling my hand back against my chest and feeling like a scolded child.

[going_solo]

“Because you nearly died and you’re not listening!” I say, and then I really start to cry. “I’m sorry, I just, it’s been a whole week…”

[haveyourmoments]

“Hey, I’m listening…” I murmur, forcing myself as awake as I possibly can. “Come here?”

[going_solo]

I come close and reach for her hand, apologising.

[haveyourmoments]

“It’s okay,” I promise him, taking his hand and lifting it to my lips. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

[going_solo]

“I’m not mad,” I say. “I just – I need you to understand everything that happened, when you’re ready.”

[haveyourmoments]

“You can talk to me anytime, Han,” I say. “I dont want you to have to go through anything alone.”

[going_solo]

“I don’t want to overwhelm you with everything that… that I did go through alone,” I say.

[haveyourmoments]

“Han, we’re a couple, we do all of this together,” I say, lifting a shaky hand to stroke his hair. “You know I’m tough.”

[going_solo]

“The toughest in the galaxy,” I tell her, leaning into her touch.

[haveyourmoments]

“I love you so, so much, sweetheart,” I tell him, smiling softly.

[going_solo]

“I love you so much, Leia,” I say. “Please don’t leave me, ever.”

[haveyourmoments]

“Never, baby, I promise,” I say. “I could never leave you.”

[going_solo]

“You almost did,” I say, lump in my throat. “You were so sick.”

[haveyourmoments]

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” I tell him. “I had no idea I was so sick.”

[going_solo]

“I tried - I tried to tell you,” I say, not to guilt her, but because it’s been weighing me down.

[haveyourmoments]

“You - you’re right, you did,” I realize, thinking back. “I guess I need to learn to listen to you better, hmm?”

[going_solo]

“Well, you weren’t exactly rational,” I say, not wanting her to feel bad.

[haveyourmoments]

“No, but there is a history of you having to come to my rescue when I don’t listen to you soon enough.”

[going_solo]

“I wasn’t going to point that out,” I say sheepishly.

[haveyourmoments]

“I do have some self-awareness,” I tease, arching my eyebrow. “And I remember and appreciate everything that you’ve ever done for me.”

[going_solo]

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, Leia,” I tell her.

[haveyourmoments]

“I know,” I say, kissing his knuckles, the feel of his rough hands a comfort to me as always. “How can I make you feel better?”

[going_solo]

“Just, get better,” I say softly. I know that’s not something she has control over, but I want for it all the same.

[haveyourmoments]

“I’m sure you’ll see to that,” I smile. “You, and the big hairy nursemaid I’m sure is standing guard right outside my door…”