(no subject)

[haveyourmoments]

I’m on Coruscant for the farce that is the Imperial Senate, knowing how precarious my position is as I work secretly with the Rebellion. I’m told that there is a new prisoner, thrown in jail without a trial for treason and dissent, and I can’t help but want to see him with my own eyes. To see if he’s truly figured out the evils of the Empire.

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[haveyourmoments]

“Mmm,” I murmur, not sure if I’m happy that I was right, or disappointed. “I’m sure you'll be back up to no good in no time.”

[going_solo]

“You sure do think you’ve figured me out, don’t you?”

[haveyourmoments]

I look over at him, my eyes going wide with surprise, because he sounds almost…offended? I shake my head, hugging myself, always so cold in space. “No, I…I don’t know much about you at all.”

[going_solo]

“Better for your sake that we keep it that way,” I say, getting to my feet. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for myself and Chewbacca, Princess.”

[haveyourmoments]

For just a split second I allow myself to feel the confusion and pain of his rejection before I put my walls back up , giving him a curt nod. “I’ll make sure to arrange a ship to take you both wherever you want to go.”

[going_solo]

I want to say there’s nowhere to go, but instead I nod and turn away.

[haveyourmoments]

“The Rebellion is always looking for good pilots,” I call after him stupidly, not sure why I can’t just let him leave.

[going_solo]

"I'm surprised you think I'm worthy of The Rebellion," I say without looking back, but also not moving forward.

[haveyourmoments]

“What?” I ask, entirely unsure what I’ve done to provoke this reaction.

[going_solo]

“I just teach girls to fly, right? And get rescued out of prisons?”

[haveyourmoments]

“I don’t … I didn’t mean any harm,” I say.

[going_solo]

I soften, just barely. “I don’t use women.”

[haveyourmoments]

“I don’t think that at all! I just meant…I meant that you’re very handsome, so I’m sure you don’t have any problems, you know, with attracting women.”

[going_solo]

"I think you'e very beautiful, but I don't, but I wouldn't assume..." I shake my head. "Forget it."

[haveyourmoments]

“Okay,” I say softly, recognizing that he wants to be done with this conversation, and probably with me as well.

[going_solo]

“You’re the last person I’d want to think I’m… like that,” I say.

[haveyourmoments]

“I don’t think badly of you, if that’s what you’re worried about,” I tell him. “Your dedication to your friend is evidence enough for me.”

[going_solo]

I go quiet then.

“Oh,” I say, finally. “Okay.”

[haveyourmoments]

“So…the offer is always open, if you want,” I say, giving him a little smile.

[going_solo]

“I’ll have to think about it,” I say, even though what I really want to answer is yes.

[haveyourmoments]

“Of course,” I say. I know he won’t choose to stay, and I have to make my peace with that.

[going_solo]

"Thank you, again, Leia," I say, and then I do go back to find Chewie.

[haveyourmoments]

I don’t know what to do, then, because they’re in my cabin, and so I end up curling up on a bench and falling asleep.

[going_solo]

I can't sleep, can't eat, can't understand what just went down between myself and Leia. So I find myself looking for her late into the night while Chewie slumbers.

[haveyourmoments]

I sleep curled in a little ball, cold and lonely and tired of wondering if I’ll ever have a friend who likes me for something other than what I can do for them.