haveyourmoments | (no subject)

(no subject)

Every day I wake up in my palatial bed with a renewed sense of regret, wishing that there had been any other way to save Alderaan other than agreeing to marry Isolder, my now husband, the Prince of Hapan. There’s nothing wrong with him, exactly, he’s polite and proper and beautiful, of course, with his long blonde hair and blue-gray eyes. He’s kind, and patient with me and never fails to forgive my temper, but somehow that oboe makes it worse, makes me feel like an unruly child instead of his wife, his equal.

He tells me that he’s selected a new pilot for my flagship, that this stranger will be my bodyguard as well due to the ongoing threats in my life and I do my best not to sulk, knowing I’m capable of taking care of myself, but instead nodding and accepting his unassuming kiss on my cheek.

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“Han,” I say again, forcefully, shaking his hand a little to get his attention. “Do you think I’m breaking up with you?”

“I don’t think anyone would blame you…” I say, trailing off and unable to look her in the eyes.

I let go of his hand to gently lift his chin, waiting patiently until he looks me in the eyes. “I need you to hear me when I say this: I am never leaving you. Not ever.”

I swallow. “Yeah?” I ask, needing to hear it again, for it to really sink in.

“Yeah,” I say, mimicking his soft Correllian accent with a gentle smile. “You’re stuck with me, hot shot.”

“I consider that an honour,” I say, leaning in to kiss her. “Princess.”

I blush, always loving his pet names for me, and I lean in to kiss his forehead. “I promise it’s nothing like that.”

"Then please, Leia, tell me what it is. You can tell me anything," I try to assure her.

“I’m pregnant!” I blurt out, covering my face, unable to hold it in any longer.

“Pregnant?” I ask, eyes going wide as I look from her eyes to her stomach and back. “And you think that’s a bad thing?”

“Of course it is!” I say, starting to panic again.

“But, Leia, maybe… maybe this is one that makes it,” I try to console her.

“What if it isn’t?” I ask him, my voice shaking, my eyes huge. “I can’t…I can’t bear losing your baby.”

“We will get through whatever does or doesn’t happen together,” I tell her, stroking her cheek.

“I don’t even know if you want a baby!” I cry. I’d been expected to have children in my marriage, but my relationship with Han is entirely different.

“I mean, I’m scared shitless,” I admit, squeezing her hand. “But I want a baby if it’s with you.”

“You do?” I ask, sniffling. “But what if…what if it’s always like this? What if I’m stuck being married to him forever, and we’re always on the run?”

“I will go wherever it takes to keep you both safe.”

“I’m so scared,” I whisper. “I’m so scared to want this.”

“You deserve this,” I say, pulling her close.

“I don’t want to disappoint you,” I say softly, letting him hold me, even as I worry that any single movement could end in disaster.

“All you ever do is amaze me,” I tell her. “You are amazing.”

I shake my head, feeling so many conflicting emotions, and I try to push away the negative ones.

“Well, I happen to think you’re amazing.” I say, suddenly wondering if my opinion counts in this.

“Thank you for believing in me,” I tell him, curling into his chest. “I needed to hear that.”