haveyourmoments | (no subject)

“The Rebellion is always looking for good pilots,” I call after him stupidly, not sure why I can’t just let him leave.

"I'm surprised you think I'm worthy of The Rebellion," I say without looking back, but also not moving forward.

“What?” I ask, entirely unsure what I’ve done to provoke this reaction.

“I just teach girls to fly, right? And get rescued out of prisons?”

“I don’t … I didn’t mean any harm,” I say.

I soften, just barely. “I don’t use women.”

“I don’t think that at all! I just meant…I meant that you’re very handsome, so I’m sure you don’t have any problems, you know, with attracting women.”

"I think you'e very beautiful, but I don't, but I wouldn't assume..." I shake my head. "Forget it."

“Okay,” I say softly, recognizing that he wants to be done with this conversation, and probably with me as well.

“You’re the last person I’d want to think I’m… like that,” I say.

“I don’t think badly of you, if that’s what you’re worried about,” I tell him. “Your dedication to your friend is evidence enough for me.”

I go quiet then.

“Oh,” I say, finally. “Okay.”

“So…the offer is always open, if you want,” I say, giving him a little smile.

“I’ll have to think about it,” I say, even though what I really want to answer is yes.

“Of course,” I say. I know he won’t choose to stay, and I have to make my peace with that.

"Thank you, again, Leia," I say, and then I do go back to find Chewie.

I don’t know what to do, then, because they’re in my cabin, and so I end up curling up on a bench and falling asleep.

I can't sleep, can't eat, can't understand what just went down between myself and Leia. So I find myself looking for her late into the night while Chewie slumbers.

I sleep curled in a little ball, cold and lonely and tired of wondering if I’ll ever have a friend who likes me for something other than what I can do for them.

I find her laying on a bench and shivering, and I'm so confused and immediately guilty, gently shaking her awake. "Leia," I say. "We didn't mean to cast you out of your cabin."

I blink at him sleepily, entirely confused myself for a moment before I remember everything. “It’s okay, you deserve a good night’s sleep after everything. I’m fine.”

“No, please, I’m sorry,” I say sincerely, taking my jacket and covering her shoulders with it.

“Thank you,” I say, feeling comically small In his jacket.

“If I had have known you were out here in the cold, well, I would have been here sooner.”

“I wanted you to be comfortable,” I say, looking up at him. “I have enough to share.”